In Which the Blogger Teaches Himself to Write

Within three to five years (pending injury, illness, explosions, etc.) I am likely to be a college professor. I have been known to wax poetic (read: hammy) about such grand topics as life, philosophy, and the funny wiggly way that sperm moves. Most of my poetic (read: hammy) discussion involves gesticulating wildly and making off the wall metaphors. I have been known to say 'thingy' as a replacement for a word that genuinely exists. Surely I am the stuff of Ancient Greece! The sort of teacher that encourages their students to examine the minutia of life, the universe, and occasionally a good book.

On a more serious note (addendum: hardly) my key subject and area of expertise is creative fiction. My style has been described as postmodern (read: confusing) and high concept (read: weird) by former teachers and readers. I have a dry wit (vociferation: title plug) and occasionally cheesy (vociferation: title plug ii) sense of humor. I have a lovely fiance to whom I will soon be married and other than my personal convictions she's the only thing in life I'm serious about. She too is a writer, though of the non-fiction/poetic (read: poetic) genre. She also happens to be something of a Renaissance Woman of the Arts. Gal has started an at-home crafts business and has more artsy hobbies than anyone this side of Leonardo da Vinci (declaration: brotha be dead). You can follow her blog Retail Therapy and enjoy her unique brand of humor, though I warn you that she can be serious as well.

What will this blog be about you ask as you wonder how much this guy will meander about. There's a circle. I'll loop back around, I swear. Likely I will discuss my thoughts about the past, my future, and occasionally I will use personal life events as framing devices. There is a high probability (ejaculation: 100%) that I will discuss current and future literary projects. Especially of note I will think out loud (read: in text format) regarding my ongoing project that I plan to use for my grad school application. My first choice is the Iowa Writer's Workshop, though I will branch out and look at other places. By taking the GRE I will be able to increase my chances of getting a teaching assistant-ship to pay my way. Regardless of whether I get this position the MFA degree would qualify me to teach at a university level, something that I'm beginning to find more and more interesting as time goes on. I think I would be a fantastic (addendum: and fun) teacher for students who actually want to learn. I'd probably kill High School students. College students have more of a zeal for learning and there aren't as many restrictions on your behavior and teaching method as there are below the university level. It'll be a long road, three to five years even, but I think I can make it.

See. Told you I'd loop back around.

P.s. Like how I made a perverted joke while still using the word 'ejaculation' appropriately? Me too.